i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize