i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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