Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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