I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
