you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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