Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
