i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
