That's when you crack a 10am beer
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
