I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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