i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
