It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
