escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend