Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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