Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
