I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants