Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months