My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.