brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
