Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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