Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
