This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
