wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
