Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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