I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
