I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
