Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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