Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
