I CAN MOONWALK!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize