Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
