i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
