Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
