I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
