if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
