well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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