threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
