There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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