She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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