dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
