He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
