YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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