Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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