I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
