Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
