sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
