I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She told me I should be a condom model.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
