Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
