you would pick up someone in the library
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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