Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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