On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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