first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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