You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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