just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
