so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
