If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
