just tell him i said nine months
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
last night I used snow as a chaser
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize