A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
