It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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