If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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